i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
