Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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