you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
