Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
