Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
