I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I will be naked everywhere
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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