Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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