No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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