Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
