so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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