Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
