Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
