I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My feet surprised me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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