you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
