I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
