How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
