he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
