Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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