There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
