I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
