I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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