Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize