my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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