the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
