was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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