did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
