Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
