Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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