Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
