the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
