I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
