i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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