i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
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You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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