dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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