Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
