I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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