I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
