oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
