He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize