so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
