It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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