...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
