Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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