let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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