you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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