Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
