There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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