i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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