Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize