eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
