My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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