The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
