I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
