I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
