Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
