We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
