I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
