Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
