now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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