Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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