Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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