I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
