You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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