i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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